Renee Yvonne [00:00:01]:
Hey everybody, it's Renee Yvonne, the gensexologist. And I want to welcome you to the Pleasure Years. This is the podcast about all things flirty, fun and sexy for people over 50. And I'm so glad that you're here. Before I get started, I want to invite you to my group that's on a platform called School S K O O L and it's called the Pleasure Palace. It is the place for us to continue these conversations that we have on the podcast in a comfortable, welcoming, non judgmental space. So please join me over there. It sayschool.com the Pleasure Palace.

Renee Yvonne [00:00:37]:
And I'll have that in the show notes. All right, well, let's get started. So today I want to talk about some myths that people believe about aging and sex. And this came up because I was talking to a friend of mine and he said, you know, Renee, when I hit 60, I'm just going to be done. And I'm like, done with what? He's like, sex. I'm just going to be done. I was like, what? I don't understand. Why, why, why would you do that? He said, well, you know, I just figure I just be old.

Renee Yvonne [00:01:05]:
Like, who, who's going to want me and who's, you know, I just figure I probably won't want it. I'm like, what? I don't understand what conversation we're having right now. Why does any. Why is 60, like, why is 60 the magic number to you? So I wanted to, when I heard that, I thought, wow, I bet there's some other people that kind of believe that. And the thing that kind of confirmed it for me was that I saw this article in the New York Times about older people having sex. And I think it was, I think most of the people were in their 70s and 80s and they had, you know, people were talking about it. But what happened was there were pictures of like semi nude naked people in their, in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and they were hugging or kissing. And the comment section was like, oh, oh, I can't believe, oh, why would they show that? And I was like, wow.

Renee Yvonne [00:01:58]:
So, okay, so everybody that's having sex has to have perfect bodies and be what, 27? Like, are we kidding me? Like, you can't still enjoy sex in your 70s and 80s. So this prompted me to talk about some myths that people believe about sex and aging. One in the very first one I'm going to talk about is that myth is that older people don't want sex. And the truth is that many people maintain strong desires well into Their later years. If you've ever seen the show Goop, Love, Sex, Love and Goop on Netflix, there was a couple there. I don't remember their age, but they were, they were 60s, 60ish, 70ish. And I remember the wife saying, my husband wants sex every single day. Right.

Renee Yvonne [00:02:45]:
And so you could definitely have those desires well into their later years. But the so, but what might happen, the frequency might change the way you have sex, the expression of the way you have sex might change, but that need for intimacy and connection will usually remain. People want to be touched and held and understood and connected with and loved on and maybe kissed and made love to. So those things don't change just because you hit the magical number of whatever you think is old. So older people will still want sex and have sexual desires. Number two is that people think sex becomes less enjoyable with age. So I'm just gonna say that's not true. Actually.

Renee Yvonne [00:03:30]:
As you get older, there's a few things that happen, hopefully for you. One is that you have increased confidence. Your body might not look like a 28 year old or anything like that, but you've settled into who you are and you love who you are. When you were younger, you were probably, you know, you could have been obsessed with your look, but also not comfortable in your skin at the same time. Whereas as you get older, you kind of like, you know what, I don't care. This is me. You like it. You don't, okay, you can go home or you love it, great, you can stay.

Renee Yvonne [00:04:01]:
So you have a different level of understanding and a different level of confidence. The second thing is that hopefully you've learned how to communicate better and you know what you want when you communicate. So you're able to say something like, you know what? I really like it when you do this to me. I love when you kiss me there. I really don't like when you nibble on my neck. I really love a foot rub. You know that that kind of gets me in the mood. It really excites me when you wash those dishes.

Renee Yvonne [00:04:28]:
Okay, let's be real. And so having that communication, it happens as you get older, and that can make your sex life more enjoyable. And the third thing is that we start to focus on quality over quantity. So maybe you're not having sex four times a week like you think everybody should be. Maybe you're having sex twice a week, but the sex you're having is, it is the just perfect sex. It's good, it's lasting, it's fulfilling, it's exciting. Right. And so it can be definitely more enjoyable as you age.

Renee Yvonne [00:05:02]:
Right. The third thing that I want to talk about as far as a myth for people is that sex has to look the same way as it did when you were younger. And so maybe when you were younger, you were trying all kinds of things. Like, I don't even want to talk about this stuff. The acrobatic things that you can do in your 20s. Right. And I find now, like, people will come to me and they're like, renee, I want to, you know, I want to be able to get on top and ride my husband or my partner. And, you know, I need to.

Renee Yvonne [00:05:34]:
I need to, you know, learn some tricks because my knees are bad. I'm like, what, girl? Get you a sex chair? What are you talking about? Like, why are you doing all these hard things on yourself? And so I'll put a link to that, too, in the show notes. There is something, if you have not heard. It's called a tantra chair. Sometimes it's called a sex chair. Sometimes it's called a yoga lounger. Whatever. It's a wavy, kind of wavy chair, sort of.

Renee Yvonne [00:05:58]:
Sort of shape, like an S a little bit. And it allows you to get into positions that are more difficult to do in a flat bend. And so I always encourage people to add something like that to their intimacy box because it's helpful, because it saves your knees, because it's great if you have chronic pain, because it adds some creativity and it takes it. It can take it from just kind of like, oh, that was kind of hard, or, how wasn't that great? That wasn't what I thought it was going to be. To like, wow, that was amazing. Okay. And so sex doesn't have to look the same as you get older. In fact, do you really want it to? At some point, we're evolving, we're changing.

Renee Yvonne [00:06:43]:
Maybe you want to try new things, like, sometimes. Honestly, and I've told some guys I've worked with this, sometimes your spouse isn't having sex with you because she's bored. And I. I don't mean that in a mean way, but if you know, every time you're going to have sex is going to be, he's going to kiss me here, he's going to nibble on this, he's going to suck on my nipples. He's going to do this, and he's going to get inside, he's going to pump eight times, he's going to sweat, he's going to scream, he's going to fall, like, do you want that like. Like that. You can't. It's hard to get excited about that.

Renee Yvonne [00:07:13]:
But if you're mixing it up right, you're doing some different things. Maybe you want to add in just a little bit of kink. I'm not talking about, you know, putting on full leather gall, you know, ball gags and all that, but maybe you just add a little paddle in there. Maybe just some furry handcuffs. Maybe just something to say. You know what? I want to make this a little bit more exciting. I also tell people to. Depending on what's going on, like, let's say you are dealing with a chronic illness and you're dealing with chronic pain, that the sex might not look the way it has been with just penetration.

Renee Yvonne [00:07:48]:
You have to maybe expand your definition of sex into pleasure. And what that means is you would. You might need to stop and take a moment, experience, like, what else feels good to me, right? Erogenous zones you never touched before. Elbows, ears, toes, back of knees. Like, this is the opportunity to experience that and see what pleasure can really feel like. Instead of just thinking. Instead of just thinking, oh, it has to be penetrative sex. So these are three things, three myths that I want to just bust up today.

Renee Yvonne [00:08:29]:
All right? One is older people don't want sex. Not true. Sex becomes less enjoyable with age. Also not true. And that sex has to look the same way it did when you were younger. And it. That is absolutely not true. All right? When it comes to sex, we're not bound by age.

Renee Yvonne [00:08:45]:
We're not bound by. By all of these things that we. We may think of. Things just simply evolve. And that's just how the world is. But with open communication, with some creativity, we have a willingness to adapt to things. Aging can lead to even more de. Deeper and more fulfilling experience of pleasure and connection.

Renee Yvonne [00:09:07]:
And isn't that what we all really want, is that pleasure and connection? Okay, so I hope you enjoyed this week's audio newsletter about some myths about sex and aging. And again, I want to invite you over to the Pleasure palace on the platform of school. That's S K O O L. I'll have it in the show notes. And if you like these pleasure prescriptions that I've given you or you want some pleasure prescriptions, please click in the show notes. I have some there for chronic illness. I'm sorry, chronic pain, erectile dysfunction, menopause, and a couple other things. And this is your opportunity to learn some ways that you can increase the pleasure and sex in your life, even when you're dealing with something that's not as pleasurable as the pleasure that you like to have.

Renee Yvonne [00:09:55]:
Okay, so I'll see you next time. I'm Renee. Yvonne. And I want you to remember that pleasure never gets old. See you next week. Bye.